Nine Reasons Why
by belladoaw
Summary: Chapter 1: Magnus Bane is going to kill himself, and just before he does, he had memories about the times, and people, which led him to this stage. Chapter 2: It has been 2 weeks since Magnus killed himself, and Alec is trying to find out why. As he does, he realized Magnus' life is more fucked up than Alec thought it was.


"The Last 9 Memories"

Magnus stared at the blank, white wall in front of him as a tear rolled down his cheek and feel into the water below, which was half way up his body. He took a deep breathe before looking at the razor in his right hand, while remembering what had brought him to this stage. More specifically, who.

/

 _Camille Belcourt,_

 _Magnus Bane and Camille Belcourt had been friends for what seemed like forever. Not best friends, but friends. They met in the early years of high school, and immediately clicked. They had the same dislikes and likes in pretty much everything, and although that would be boring, it never stopped them from being together._

 _After being friends for around 4 years in school, they finally admitted their true feelings for one another and got together. The whole school new about it. Some were relieved, some were disappointed, and some couldn't care less, but they were happy._

 _Did you catch that?_ _Were_ _. Past tense._

 _They were happy for the first 2 or 3 months before things started to change in Camille that got Magnus confused._

 _She began canceling all the dates that they had planned, saying that she had somewhere important she needed to be._

 _She came back with bruises on her thighs and in between them, but she said it was from where she was bumping into things._

 _She had swollen lips, but she said that was because she was biting them all day,_

 _She had been keeping her phone away from him, and whenever she got a text, she would face the phone sideways so he couldn't see,_

 _And worst of all, every night they were about to get it on, Camille always had the excuse, "I'm on my period. It won't be good for me, or you." Magnus saw the way she walked with her limp, but she said it was just her heels._

 _And he believed every one of those lies because he was completely, and utterly in love with her. He never knew that he could fall in love so easily, and he had definitely never experienced love until they started going out. He never wanted that feeling to fade away. Magnus knew that with love also came jealousy when she was around other guys and insecurity, but Magnus knew she would never cheat on him with another guy. Camille loved Magnus. She even said so herself,_

 _He_ _ **knew**_ _it._

 _Or so, he thought._

 _The day had started off the same as any usual day. He had woken up with a smile on his face, done his usual morning routine and went to school with a smile on his face, excited to see the "love of his life", but when he arrived at the entrance, he saw something. Something that had shattered his heart in two._

 _Camille was there, locking lips with a boy with her arms around his neck and his hands on her ass. Magnus stood frozen in his spot as he watched them and he felt his heart have a sharp pain._

 _He soon got out of his frozen shock, when a car in the distance roared, and rage spread through him like a wildfire, causing him to walk forwards and push the boy off Camille and stare at her with hate-filled eyes._

" _What the fuck, Camille? How could you do this?" Magnus had said, as the tears began coming into his eyes. Camille only chuckled, locking her hands with the boy she had just been making out with._

" _Didn't you realize? I never loved you, Mags. You were just… not good enough." she turned around, looking over her shoulder,_

" _Toodles," she said and walked off with her hands locked with the boys. Magnus' heart ached, but he didn't show any emotion because crying was for the weak. And Magnus… Magnus was_ _far_ _from weak._

 _Magnus didn't go to the school that day._

 _The next day, he walked into school with a fake, smile on his face and walked over towards his locker. While making his way there, he heard whispers, murmurs, and a few glares at him but he chose to ignore them. Until that is, Alexander walked up to him,_

" _Magnus, have you heard what's been saying about you?" he asked. Magnus furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and shook his head, quickly closing his locker and looking over at Alec who was pulling up something. Magnus stared at Alec before watching the phone turn around to face him,_

" _I wanted to announce this publicly because I want you all to be safe, and that is that Magnus Bane was an abuser. He physically and sexually abused me, which was the reason for all of the bruises on my thighs and my neck. He forced me into sec which I did not want to do and beat me when I stood up to him. I broke up with him because I couldn't handle the abuse, and I am telling you all this for your safety. Please, stay away from this god awful man. Thank you. Yours Sincerely,_

 _Camille Belcourt xo"_

 _Magnus stood frozen before looking up at Alec and shaking his head, pointing to the message, "Alec, I didn't abuse her. I didn't! You have to believe me!"_

" _I know, Magnus, I know. I saw you guys breaking up outside of school yesterday…" replied Alec. Magnus breathed a sigh of relief before looking around him at the disgusted students. Alec had told Magnus to ignore them and stay strong,_

 _But he knew he couldn't._

 _From that day onwards, he had been referenced as "the abuser" for a long time, and the looks and whispers never faded. When he had tried to come forward and have his say, everybody cut him out and ignored him, because who would believe the abuser, right?_

 _Magnus never realized that it would be beginning_

 _of the end._

 _/_

 _Ragnor Fell,_

 _After the Camille situation, Ragnor had come back from his vacation to London, and back to school in New York with Magnus, in order to help him get over his depressive state which was very hard. Although Magnus had other friends, like Alexander, nobody knew Magnus, as well as Ragnor, did at that point in time._

 _But everyday Ragnor had come around, Magnus had always either said nothing, had a small reply or lied and said he was okay._

" _Are you okay, Magnus?" asked Ragnor. Magnus only mumbled,_

" _Are you okay?" asked Ragnor the next day, but got nothing in reply,_

" _You okay, buddy?" asked Ragnor a couple of days after,_

" _'M fine," he replied. Ragnor sighed,_

" _Are you okay?" asked Ragnor the next day, but Magnus went back to being silent._

 _That happened for the next couple of days (8 days to be exact) until he finally got a good response out of him,_

" _Are you okay, Magnus?" asked Ragnor._

" _I'm never going to be okay. I miss her. I want her back." replied Magnus. Ragnor was in shock, but was relieved that he finally had gotten a word out of Magnus after the week,_

" _Come on, Magnus. Don't let your heart shatter because of one dumbass girl who didn't deserve you," said Ragnor. Magnus shook his head from inside the pillows,_

" _I loved her, Ragnor. More than I have ever loved anyone," mumbled Magnus. Ragnor sighed and put the covers onto Magnus, just below his shoulders,_

" _You shouldn't be wanting her back, though. Not after everything, she has put you through," said Ragnor. Magnus hadn't replied after that, causing Ragnor to sigh again, "Just because she told you that you weren't good enough, doesn't mean you aren't. And that she didn't love you, who cares?" Magnus shot up in his seat and stared wide-eyed at Ragnor,_

" _I never told you what she said. I never told anybody what she said to me," said Magnus, staring intensely at Ragnor who looked like a deer caught in headlights. When Magnus got no reply out of Magnus, he felt enraged, "You made her break up with me, didn't you?"_

" _I…Yes," he replied. Magnus' vision began to blur as he felt tears coming in his eyes. He shook his head and scooted away from Ragnor, looking at him,_

" _Why did you do that? You knew I loved her!" screamed Magnus, as he brought his shaky hand up to his mouth, beginning to cover it because he was in complete shock. "Did… did you love her?"_

" _I did." replied Ragnor, calmly, "I loved her and when you told me that you started to date, I didn't want to deal with it. I knew she never loved you, so I told her how I feel and she told me she loved me too. Genuinely." Magnus didn't reply,_ _he couldn't_ _, but Ragnor just stayed there, staring through Magnus._

" _Get out," whispered Magnus, as he lowered his hand and tensed his jaw. Ragnor furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head a tiny bit, "Get out!" Magnus yelled this time, causing Ragnor to jump. Ragnor got up and walked backward,_

" _I saved her from you," said Ragnor. Magnus fisted his hands,_

" _Get the fuck out of my house," replied Magnus, and Ragnor turned around and left, slamming the house door behind him. Magnus was left with silence, and he finally let his emotions free. He knew he shouldn't cry, but he couldn't help it,_

 _Because his world was crumbling beneath his feet,_

 _and he didn't know how he would survive._

 _/_

 _Catarina Loss,_

 _As time went by, Ragnor and Camille had finally gotten together and did not miss the opportunity to rub it in Magnus' face. Every time that Magnus had been walking past them, or down the same hall they would start kissing and laughing when Magnus glared at them, sometimes with tears in his eyes._

 _But along that week they had been doing that, Magnus had found out that Ragnor had also been the one who had been cheating. He was cheating on a girl, and her name was Catarina Loss._

 _Catarina had found out that Magnus had been in a similar situation and came to him for support and somehow they immediately came friends. They went round each other every day, had lunch together, done their homework, texted, facetimed. Anything that best friends would do to always be together._

 _Magnus thought that Catarina wouldn't be the one who would leave him this time._

 _Maybe, somebody besides Alec, wouldn't leave him._

 _But that didn't happen. Can you guess what did? I bet you can._

 _On a school day, Magnus had come to school and immediately headed towards the direction of where he and Cat would always meet up, but she wasn't there. He thought she was sick, but when he turned around and saw her with a smile on her face near Ragnor and Camille, his heart died for the third time in the past 2 weeks._

 _He furrowed his eyebrows as he watched his "best friend," Ragnor and Camille all laugh at a joke that was made by Cat. He stared at them intensely, waiting for the tears to come forward, but they never did. He turned away and walked to his lesson, with the voices of their laughter haunting him._

 _When he arrived at the class that he had with Cat later that day, he didn't stop and wait for her like he usually did. He just walked inside and took out his pencil, ready for the lesson to begin. The second the bell rang for the lesson to start, Cat walked in and smiled at Magnus, but he didn't return it. He turned away and wrote the date down in his book, but looked back up when he knew she wasn't there._

 _Magnus was lucky that they weren't sat on the same table, because if he was then he could definitely have a problem sitting there, but for the majority of the lesson he didn't look over his shoulder to Catarina or talk to her when she called her name. He successfully ignored her for the lesson before he felt a tap on his shoulder and a piece of paper being poked into his side._

 _He looked over his shoulder and was thankful that it wasn't Cat who done it, but grabbed the piece of paper and unfolding it, looking at what was held inside. When he opened the paper, he noticed that it was a list of "most (something)". He skimmed his eyes over, not really caring what it was about before his eyes caught sight of his name._

 _More disgusting and why? :_

 _Magnus Bane because he is_

 _an abuser and a "freewheeling bisexual"_

 _but he had a nice ass_

 _-Cat_

 _Magnus stared and re-read it before looking over his shoulder towards Cat who was paying attention to the front of the class. Magnus knew that this was probably to get back, but it still hurt considering they were friends yesterday. He tensed his jaw and crumpled the paper into a ball, putting it into his bag._

 _When the school bell rang, Magnus was the first to get his bag and walk out of class, infuriated by what was on the list. When he was halfway there to his lesson, he felt a pull on his shoulder and he turned around to face an angry looking Cat,_

" _What do you want, Cat?" asked Magnus, tensing his jaw and crossing his hands in front of his chest and glaring at her,_

" _Why were you ignoring me all fucking lesson? What have I ever done to you?!" asked Cat. Magnus raised his eyebrows and unfolded his hands,_

" _What have you done? For starters, you must be fucking dumb if you think I didn't see you with Camille and Ragnor this morning, and secondly, that fucking list. You know that Camille fed the school bullshit about me abusing her, but you write that on the list anyways. That's why I've been ignoring you, and you have no fucking reason to shout at me!" screamed Magnus, taking a step back and fisting his hands, his nails digging into his palms. Catarina looked shocked before her expression turned into anger,_

" _I only came to you because I had nobody else. I knew you were an abuser. I mean, just look at you! No wonder why Camille left you for Ragnor." snarled Cat. Magnus blinked away the tears,_

" _Fuck you," he whispered and felt a sharp pain in his left cheek. He put his hand there and looked over at Cat whose hand was in the air and slightly red, with her eyes wide and her mouth agape. I stared wide-eyed at her after what she just did, but she only walked off into the distance._

 _Magnus watched her go before running to the bathroom and going into a stall, sitting on the closed toilet seat and crying his heart out._

 _Magnus didn't know what was wrong with him,_

 _but apparently, everybody else did._

 _/_

 _Jace Wayland,_

 _Before Magnus knew it, a week passed by since the incident with Cat and school began to get easier. He didn't really have any friends now, but that wasn't making his school experience any harder. Magnus had avoided looking at Cat, Ragnor, and Camille and they luckily didn't bother trying to piss him off anymore._

 _But that didn't mean the aftermath of that list didn't affect him._

 _Since the list had been passed around the school before reaching Magnus, the whole school got reminded that Magnus was an "abuser" but this time, everything that people began doing had been for the worst. Sometimes he would be pushed into a locker, sprayed with cleaning detergent, and sometimes he had been getting death threats on his locker, but they didn't really affect him and his school life._

 _Until it punched him in the face. Literally._

 _Magnus had come to school but as he got off the bus, a crowd of boys was at the entrance, blocking him from getting in. They all looked over at him and smirked to one another,_

" _What's up, nice ass?" one of them asked. Magnus turned to them and furrowed his eyebrows with a grimace expression,_

" _Could you please move? I need to get to class," replied Magnus, taking a step forward but stopped when a hand was held out in front of his chest, pushing him away,_

" _Scared to be late to class, you little nerd?" one of them asked. He looked like he was the main person in the group, and Magnus recognized him as Jace Wayland,_

" _Just because I have brain cells and you don't, doesn't make me a nerd. Now, would you please excuse me?" asked Magnus. Magnus knew that Jace and Alec were the best friends, and he would never want to hurt Alec, but Magnus didn't have time for being pushed around this time. He didn't do anything wrong,_

" _Excuse me? You have no right to say that to me, considering you do abuse people," he replied. Magnus scoffed and rolled his eyes,_

" _I didn't abuse Camille, for fuck sake. I broke up with her because she was cheating on me, but being the dramatic idiot she is, she likes to make herself popular by making up bullshit," said Magnus. Jace raised his eyebrows and took a step forward,_

" _Don't talk about Camille like that, you hear me?" asked Jace._

" _What? Are you in love with her or something? Well, it's gonna suck for you because she's terrible at blowjobs." replied Magnus. Jace took another step forward and fisted his hands,_

" _I'm not in love with her, but she's my best fucking friend so you better shut the fuck up right now, Bane!" threatened Jace. Magnus was slightly scared, but he never showed it,_

" _Cool story, babe, but in what chapter do you shut the fuck up?" teased Magnus with a small smile on his face. The crowd of his friends around his 'Ooed,' which got Jace even madder, and next thing Magnus knew was the sharp pain in his eye, then his jaw, then his stomach, and then his back. He groaned in pain before opening his eyes and realizing that he had been pushed to the ground by the impact, and Jace was standing over him,_

" _Never speak about Camille or to me like that again, Bane, or you will regret it," said Jace, before walking off with his posse of friends trailing behind. Magnus watched them walk down the hallways before the school doors closed, and he let a tear slip down his face._

 _He didn't realize how hard it hurts_

 _until the hurricane hit._

 _/_

 _Imasu Morales_

 _After some weeks past, his past family friend, Imasu Morales, came to town for a visit on the week he had school. As kids, they used to be close and they told eachother everything. They were so close, that Magnus told Imasu what happened to his mother, and he had respected him and took care of him like a best friend._

 _So, when Magnus found out that he was coming for the week he was overly excited that he finally had somebody to talk to. As soon as there was a knock on the door, Magnus ran over and ripped it open with a grin on his face when he saw Imasu standing there with wide eyes and a small smile._

" _Hello, Magnus! It's great to see you again, buddy!" said Imasu, as he walked in the door and hugged Magnus, quickly pulling away and bringing his bags in and placing them next to the door. Imasu was older than Magnus by 5 years, but that never stopped their friendship,_

" _Hey! It's so good to see you. You've changed so much." replied Magnus, quickly looking over Imasu before collecting his bags and walking over to the spare bedroom with Imasu following close behind._

" _So have you, Magnus. We have a lot to catch up on." he said. And they did. They talked for hours and hours that day about the everything they could and more. And in the time space of 2 hours, they managed to fit in everything that they had missed when moving to different counties, separating them._

 _Magnus had also told Imasu about what had been happening in school, and for a second, a smile was there but it was quickly washed away with a shocked expression. They had both gone their separate ways that night, going to sleep and dreaming about completely different things,_

 _When Magnus woke up, he reached over for his phone, but it wasn't there. He shot up from his bed and quickly searched around in his bed, but found nothing. He got up and walked out of the door and to the kitchen where he smelt food being made,_

" _Imasu, do you have my phone?" asked Magnus. He turned around and quickly nodded with a smile, passing it over to him._

" _Sorry. I had to check the time and my phone died." he replied, "But you need to get ready for school. You will be late if you don't start getting dressed now," Magnus nodded before turning around and making his way back to his bedroom. After getting dressed and having some breakfast, he left for school._

 _When he got there, though, he wished he didn't. When he walked to his locker, he saw millions of little notes stuck on there and they all said the same thing,_

" _You're an abomination for being the cause for your mother's suicide. DISGUSTING."_

 _Magnus stared at them before turning around and looking around him, realizing that all eyes were on him. He was in the middle of a circle, and he felt the tears rise in his eyes._

" _I wasn't the reason…" whispered Magnus, but nobody listened, and they began throwing things at him. It was mostly paper balls, but some even went as far as throwing their perfumes at him. When the bell rang for class, everybody immediately ran off and left Magnus crying in the middle of the hallway, bleeding out in all different places._

" _Magnus!" yelled Alec who ran over and crouched down next to Magnus. Magnus looked up at him and gave him a small smile,_

" _I'm okay, Alec," said Magnus, but Alec shook his head. Recently, Magnus and Alec had been getting close and since he has had millions of things going on, Alec knew when Magnus was lying about how he was feeling. He would often cry into Alec's shoulder at school or at his house, but it made them closer, and Magnus was glad Alec didn't walk away, because he was the only person Magnus had left._

" _No, you're not." replied Alec while sticking out his hand for Magnus to grab. Magnus never said anything but grabbed his hand and Alec pulled him up, immediately putting his hand on his waist and making their way out of school._

 _Alec asked what happened to Magnus while they were making their way to Magnus' house, and Magnus explained everything. He had expected Alec to leave, but he never. For some reason, he stayed. He stayed and promised Magnus that he wouldn't judge him because he believed Magnus wasn't the reason, even though he couldn't be sure. Magnus wasn't even sure, but Alec still accepted him, and it made his heart race._

 _When Alec dropped Magnus off at his place, Alec left Magnus go into the house and drove home. Magnus slammed the door behind him, when he was sure Alec was out of the building, and walked over to where Imasu was staying, but when he got there, everything was gone. Magnus stumbled into the room and realised there was a note on the bed. He walked over and grabbed it with shaky hands,_

" _I always knew you were trouble. Others deserved to know too."_

 _Magnus cried himself to sleep that night, knowing that nothing was going to get better now._

 _But he still had that small speck of hope_

 _that maybe Alexander Lightwood would change his opinion._

 _/_

 _Jonathan Morgenstern (R)_

 _Jonathan Morgenstern was the cause for most problems at Idris Academy, but nobody besides his closest friends knew the things he done. Well, until Magnus found one out._

 _The school had went to Catarina's house for the weekend for a party that had no reason to be held. Magnus had gone because Alec had convinced him too, but he wished he hadn't when the end of the night came along._

 _There were 2 stories that night, but this one is the worst._

 _Magnus had been in Catarinas bedroom, when the door slammed open and in came Camille and Ragnor, making out. Magnus quickly rushed to the corner and put his hands over his ears and eyes, not wanting to see or hear what was about to happen, until he heard the faint laughter and talking stop. He took his hands off his eyes and ears and saw the door close, and inside, he was grateful._

 _Magnus stood up again and grabbed his jacket, about to walk out but the door opened again and Jonathan Morgenstern was there. Magnus quickly rushed away to the closet and closed it behind him, ducking down. He heard the door slam shut behind him and the sound of a belt buckle being un-done made him freeze and put a hand over his mouth._

 _The door, again, slammed open and the sound of Ragnors voice could be heard, but it became distant as he was pushed outside of the door and it was locked behind him. Magnus felt tears begin to rise in his eyes as he heard the groans of Camille , and even as much as he hated her, he wouldn't wish this upon anybody._

 _The belt buckle was thrown against the closet, causing it to open a bit and Magnus' eyes grew wide, and he stood up and put his back against the side, praying that he wouldn't come over. A second later, a zipper was undone and the groans became into grunts and she was probably trying to escape from his grip,_

" _Shhh, it's okay. It's okay." whispered Jonathan and the grunts turned into cries. The room was silent for a couple of seconds before the squeaking of the bed made Magnus put his hands over his ears and squeeze his eyes shut. He didn't know how long he sat in the dark for, but he eventually heard the room door closing and Magnus opened his eyes. He stood up on shaky legs and looked out of the small gaps of the closet and saw Camille lying there, passed out._

 _Magnus ran over to the bin and threw up with tears running down his cheeks. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand and stood up again, walking over to Camille and pulling a blanket over her, from below her shoulders, "I'm sorry…" whispered Magnus, before he walked out of the room. As he walked down the stairs, he saw Ragnor sitting there with his head in his hands, but Magnus walked out of the door._

 _And Magnus realised,_

 _he wasn't the only one with secrets,_

 _/_

 _Alexander Lightwood,_

 _Him and Alec had gotten close. From being friends to best friends, they began to tell each other everything. Magnus was weary at first, but after sharing what had happened to his mother, he realized that maybe Alexander Lightwood would not break his heart, and that maybe he had been the special one he had been looking for all long._

 _They were sat on Magnus' bed, doing homework, when Alec brought up the party. He had declined and declined, but somehow Alec managed to convince him to come to the party._

 _Remember that second story about the party? Well, this is it._

 _Magnus and Alec had been sitting on the chair when things began to get heated and they decided to leave. They moved around all the places of the house and realised that they couldn't get any privacy… anywhere. So, they decided to walk up the stairs and try out the bedrooms._

 _When they got there, Magnus got into the story about how he remembered some of the stories he had with Catarina which he hadn't shared with Alec yet, and Alec listened to every single word. The room soon became silent, and they just stared into each others eyes with a small smile on their face. Alec soon burst out in laughter, which was soon followed by Magnus,_

" _I'm sorry this is so awkward, I don't know what to say." chuckled Magnus. Alec smiled and shook his head, brushing a piece of strand hair away,_

" _It's okay, I don't either." he replied. Magnus stopped laughing and looked over towards Alec, who was looking at him with such… love. Alec's eyes flickered down to Magnus' lips before back into his eyes. Magnus done the same, while his heart beated faster, and then Alec moved forward and placed his lips against Magnus'_

 _And Magnus felt like he was okay again._

 _He didn't know how long he had wanted this, but god it was everything and more. Alec's lips tasted of chocolate and beer, which wasn't a very nice combination, but it tasted amazing with Alec in the mix. The kiss began to come heated, and Magnus was pushed onto his back while Alec crawled on top of him, tilting his head to get the kiss deeper._

 _Magnus began unbuttoning Alec's shirt and pushed it off, letting his tongue swipe across Alec's bottom lip. Alec groaned and opened his mouth, their tongues moving together in sync, fighting for dominance. Alec then gave him one last peck before moving his lips to Magnus' neck, trailing down._

 _Magnus panted and closed his eyes, and his mind flashed back to all the memories with Camille. How she said Magnus abused her, how she forced HIM into sex, and many other things that were some of the worst experiences in his life. Magnus snapped his eyes open and pushed Alec off him, scooting over to the edge of the bed,_

" _Are you okay?" asked Alec after a minute of silence. Magnus didn't reply, "Magnus.."_

" _I just… I just need some space." replied Magnus, shaking his head and taking a deep breath. Tears began to form in his eyes, and this time, he didn't care about it,_

" _Are you o-" started Alec, but Magnus cut him off by turning to him and shouting,_

" _Get out! Get the fuck out!" yelled Magnus. Alec looked in shock as the tears rolled down Magnusˈ face, but left. He left Magnus alone in the room where scarring things happened, and regretting everything he just done,_

 _But the only thing he didn't regret,_

 _is kissing the love of his life._

 _/_

 _Sebastian Verlac. (R)_

 _A couple days after the party, Magnus just wanted to escape his house and roam the streets of New York. He left his empty house and began walking, taking everything in like the trees, the stars, the birds chirping. He walked for what seemed like hours, before he heard the sound of loud music and furrowed his eyebrows._

 _He walked into the direction, and realised that a party was being held. "I could use some time to have fun," thought Magnus, with the situation at the party at the back of his mind. He walked into the house and roamed it before walking out the back door,_

" _Magnus? What are you doing here?" exclaimed Catarina who was clearly drunk and in the hot tub. Magnus walked over and gave her a small smile,_

" _I just heard some loud music and decided to tag along," replied Magnus. She hummed and grabbed his hand, pulling him closer to the hot tub, but he only shook his head and began pulling back,_

" _I don't have any swimwear on me." said Magnus. Catarina shrugged,_

" _All of us are only in our bra and pants." she shrugged. She pleaded for me to come into the water with her, Ragnor, Camille and some guy I have never seen before and I, unfortunately, accepted and joined them. It was awkward at first, but they all got to talking soon and it was pretty fun._

 _Well, until they all left and Sebastian Verlac jumped in,_

" _Hey," he said. Magnus waved at him with a tight smile, "I don't remember inviting the famous Magnus Bane to the party."_

" _Ah, sorry about that. I just needed to escape from my house." replied Magnus. Sebastian made an 'Ah' sound and nodded his head. There was silence, before a smile grew on his face and he moved from where he was sitting, coming closer to me,_

" _I know a good way to solve that," he said. Magnus furrowed his eyebrows before realizing what he meant and immediately shaking his head, standing up,_

" _I should get going. I'll see you at school, Sebastian," said Magnus, but as he turned, he felt a pull on his legs, and he slipped down. The hands moved to his waist, and Magnus jumped back up to try and get out, but he was only pulled back. Sebastian's feet were placed on his to prevent him from moving, and he used one of his hands to keep Magnus' hands in place while the other went to his boxers,_

" _Sebastian, get off of me," whispered Magnus, trying to get up, but Sebastian wouldn't budge. The boxers soon got discarded and floated on the other side of the hottub, leaving Magnus butt naked. Magnus tried to get free of his grip with the fear spreading through his chest, but a hand went in his hair and he was bent over. Magnus felt something press against his butt, and he fisted his hands,_

" _Please don't…" pleaded Magnus. It was like Magnus was only pleading silently, because Sebastian didn't take warning and pushed in, causing Magnus to cry out in pain. Sebastian put a free hand over Magnus' mouth to stop him from being too loud and thrust in, and back out._

 _Magnus was trying, he was trying so fucking hard to get Sebastian off him, but he wouldn't move. Eventually, he gave up fighting and the hands that were in balls fell onto the wet path which his head was placed on._

 _Magnus doesn't remember when Sebastian left, but he stood up sometime later and put his wet clothes on, and began walking home with a limp._

 _When he opened the front door, everything was how it was when he left his house, but he didn't care. He dropped his things that were in his hand and walked over to his bedroom, immediately grabbing a pen and paper and sitting at his desk, writing down names and joining them together,_

 _And once he took a look back, he finally understood how everything happened,_

 _he decided that no one would ever hurt him again._

 _/_

 _Mr. Garroway_

 _One last try. Magnus was giving life one last try. But this time, he wasn't going to try and fight it on his own. He was going to get help from the person who was known to help you the most._

 _Magnus walked into the counselors office and sat down on one of the chairs,_

" _So, what's on your heart today?" asked Mr. Garroway, who was the school counsellor. Magnus shrugged,_

" _I don't know. Everything, I guess." said Magnus. Mr. Garroway tilted his head to the side,_

" _Everything? That's a lot," he said. Magnus nodded, "Anything that you would like to share?"_

" _I don't know. I just… feel alone right now." replied Magnus._

" _Alone? What about your friends?" asked Mr. Garroway. Magnus looked up from his hands and furrowed his eyebrows, sitting up straighter in his chair,_

" _Friends? What friends?" asked Magnus._

" _I've seen you in the hallways with them. People like Camille Belcourt, Ragnor Fell, Catarina Loss…" he said, but Magnus shook his head,_

" _They aren't my friends." he said,_

" _What about Alec Lightwood?" he asked, and Magnusˈ heart felt like it died again. Magnus looked down at his hands,_

" _Alec Lightwood hates me." replied Magnus. Mr. Garroway shook his head,_

" _Alec doesn't seem like the type to hate anybody." said Mr. Garroway. Magnus stared at him with expressionless eyes,_

" _Alec Lightwood would never like me again," said Magnus. Mr. Garroway tilted his head to the side with furrowed eyebrows and opened his mouth but Magnus cut him off, "You know, I should go." Magnus stood up,_

" _No, please, stay. Just help me understand here." said The Counsellor. Magnus stared at him before sitting back down and picking at his black nail polish, "When you leave this office, what do you want to change? To stop?"_

" _I need it to stop," said Magnus, tears building in his eyes. "I need everything to stop," cried Magnus. Mr. Garroway put the tissue box in front of him, "Just people, life…"_

" _Life? That's a serious issue." said Mr. Garroway. Magnus picked up a tissue and quickly wiped away the tears,_

" _I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I was just… emotional." replied Magnus, looking up again, He nodded,_

" _What happened, Magnus?" the counselor asked, but Magnus couldn't say it. He couldn't physically say what had happened to him, and to Camille and how it all started. He wasn't ready._

" _Something happened… at a party." said Magnus,_

" _Did it involve a boy?" asked Mr. Garroway. Magnus nodded, "Did he force himself on you?"_

" _I think so… yeah." whispered Magnus._

" _You think so but you're not sure?" he asked, and Magnus nodded. The counsellor sighed, "Can you give me a name?"_

" _If I give you his name, will you promise me I will never have to face him again? That he will be put in jail?" asked Magnus._

" _I can't promise you that, but I can promise you I will do everything in my power to keep you safe." replied Mr. Garroway. Magnus bit his lip and thought it over, before shaking his head and wiping away another tear, "If you can't give me a name, the only other option is to move on,"_

" _Move on? You mean, just forget about it?" asked Magnus, He nodded his head, and then so did Magnus. He grabbed his bag and stood up,_

" _Thank you, Mr. Garroway." said Magnus, as he walked over to the door._

" _We could talk about more things if you'd like." asked the Mr. Garroway, but Magnus only shook his head and opened the door,_

" _No, I got it Mr. Garroway. I just need to move on and get over it," replied Magnus,_

" _I didn't say get over it, but moving on is the only other option," said Mr. Garroway, getting up,_

" _No, I get it." replied Magnus, nodding his head and walking slightly out of the door,_

" _Come on, Magnus, you don't need to be in a hurry. Come and sit down, and we can talk some more." said Mr. Garroway, but Magnus shook his head and walked out of the door, closing it behind him._

 _When he walked into the main office, he looked back at the door and heard him speaking on the phone. Magnus swallowed and waited for a couple of seconds, before coming to the realization that he wasn't coming._

 _And that was when Magnus knew_

 _that nobody was coming forward to stop him._

 _Some of them cared, none of them cared enough,_

 _/_

Magnus took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut before opening them again and looking at his vein in his left arm.

He raised the blade and put it down on his left vein, taking a deep breath and pushing it down, immediately feelings the skin break and the pain rush through. He screamed out in pain and another tear fell from his eye as he dragged it down across his vein, cutting it open and letting the blood come out. He sobbed as he removed the blade and shakily passed it over to his right hand.

He put it on his vein again and pressed down quicker, another scream of pain escaping his mouth as he moved it down before stopping and taking it out, panting. He was breathing heavily and he leaned back against the tub. His head began to feel dizzy, and he let it fall onto the wall behind him. Magnus closed his eyes and swallowed thickly before returning back to his heavy breathing.

And as Magnus lay there, blood pouring out of his wrists, he realized that

this was what was meant to happen in his life. No college, no marriage, no kids. Just sadness, heartbreak, and two scars down both his wrists. His vision began to come blurry, but not because of tears. It was because he was finally going to the place where he belonged. In the place where he was meant to be all along.

His phone buzzed, signaling a message and he turned his head to the left and saw his homescreen, and smiled. It was a picture of him and Alec with a smile on their faces and he let the last memory in his mind to be of the one he loved the most,

Alexander.


End file.
